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Are you in a Depressive Relationship?

07 Jan 2016

All couples have their problems. Everyone disagrees. Sometimes people get jealous. Sometimes you say the wrong thing. Sometimes you can be a little selfish. These aren't necessarily hallmarks of dysfunction; even the most functional couples have their irrational moments.

Dysfunctional relationships are ones in which the negatives not only far outweigh the positives, but where they are so engrained in the dynamic between two people they become irreversible. It doesn't mean the two people in the relationship are bad or dysfunctional individuals either (although sometimes it does). Mostly, it just means that these two people, for whatever reason, bring out the worst in each other.



We could use the term “Depressive relationship” to understand the extent of discomfort in a relationship of this kind. Often these relationships appear to the partner to have resentment, lack of spark, lack of empathy, disinterest in each other’s daily life etc.

Rucha, had an arranged marriage 6 months back. Her husband Umesh is 6yrs older than her. They find it difficult to connect with each other. Umesh doesn’t like to go out with Rucha’s friends. He says they are “too immature, not his types”. Umesh doesn’t like taking Rucha out with his friends since they are all unmarried. They have no common conversation to do. They have no common interest. As a result, the couple feels there is a lack of spark in the relation. They either sit around each other watching TV, read newspaper quietly, don’t go out for movies, or social outings. There is nothing that makes them feel connected. Moreover his reactions were unpredictable, moods unstable; this made their conversations even more dififcult.


Impact of Depressive relations:

A Dysfunctional/depressive relation, doesn’t just affect the couple involved. But in case of marriages having this issue for a long time; it impacts, their children, family members and often their work too.

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Constant bickering, lack of display of warmth and love and display of disrespect towards each other; inhibit the development of children’s trust in the world, in others, and in themselves. Later as adults, these people may find it difficult to trust the behaviours and words of others, their own judgements and actions, or their own senses of self-worth. Not surprisingly, they may experience problems in their academic work, their relationships, and in their very identities.


It's important to know the long-term impact of negative relationships, how to recognize the symptoms, and how to obtain the help you need to either brake away or deal with such a relationship.


One of a serious long-term effects of remaining in a dysfunctional relationship include the gradual but steady erosion of your sense of self-worth. Suddenly, you wake up one morning to find that the only identity you have is that which you have gained from your abuser. You see yourself through their eyes.

A staggering 60% of people in depressive relations  fall victim to Depression or Anxiety Disorders taking a strong toll on a person's mental & physical health and quality of life!

·  Personality disorders as a result of the insidious effect of unhealthy long-term associations.

·  Negative impact on your ability to accept the love of other well-meaning persons with whom you are in relationship. You struggle with integrating a new identity of loving and being worthy of love and acceptance.


What symptoms do you look for when assessing the health of your relationships?

· Arguments & Boredom: You have the same argument over and over again and never resolve it. This is perhaps the most obvious sign that something is wrong. Communication stops working. Agreement on almost anything becomes impossible. Things you did two weeks or two months or even two years ago get endlessly rehashed—from failing to take the garbage out if you live together to not remembering the first anniversary of your second date. And there’s no end to it.


Blame: Dysfunctional partners avoid accountability like the plague. They twist and turn situations around, revise the narrative, edit out what doesn’t serve them, and even gaslight you to make their unhappiness not only your fault but also your responsibility to fix.


Guilt: You’re constantly apologizing, even for things you didn’t do. You begin to feel worthless and ashamed. Your partner’s angry reactions become justified. You hate yourself for not keeping them happy. Forgot to make the morning coffee, or you were just too tired? You’re screwed. Made a date with a friend but didn’t put it on the calendar? Talked on the phone to the family member your partner hates?


Inability to communicate: conversations don’t flow, communication is an effort; wanting to communicate and fear to put thoughts across rightly bring more stress in the relation.


Avoidance behaviour: you avoid each other and fear spending time together.


Frustration: Getting even the simplest things done is hugely complicated. Despite your best efforts, you’re always butting heads and can’t work with your partner as a team.


If you are struggling because of relationship issues and the discord is causing you distress, then

Just click the green chat button on the bottom left and connect instantly with a psychologist 

 We are here to assure your happiness.



·  Know your weakness and strengths and acknowledge it. Be aware of it. Understand how you could be contributing to the negativity in your relation.

·  Avoid blame game: focus on finding a solution together.

· Have the courage to accept your mistake, faults and weakness.

· Have the heart to accept your partner’s mistake, faults and weakness. Work towards changing these into strength.

· Be friends first.

·  Make alterations in each other’s choices, interest and activates. Challenge yourself in these aspects of your relation.


·  Couple and relationship counseling is the single most effective way to end the depression in the relationship. The counselor works to Change the dynamics of the interaction within a relationship to achieve the desired level of stability and compatibility.  This can be achieved through commitment to therapeutic work on the part of either/or all of the parties involved with a marriage or relationship counselor:


To know more about pnline and ePsyClinic's most popular couple counseling process, Read here 


If you are struggling because of relationship issues and the discord is causing you distress, then

Just click the green chat button on the bottom left and connect instantly with a psychologist 

 We are here to assure your happiness.

To know more about ePsyClinic's e-Relationship wellness specialty clinic. Click here 



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