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Emotional Pain & abuse that women go through have much deeper scars!

23 Dec 2015

"You shouldn't spend so much on clothes, you don't look good anyway."

"Don't complain about how bad you have it, no one else could love you."

"Working and taking courses is too much for you; you can't handle what you need to do now."

"I have to drink to be able to stand you."

"One of these days you'll wake up, and I'll be gone."

"You don't know the first thing about raising kids."

“I wonder why I ever married you”

I am sure many of us would identify with these sentences.


We could also identify with how we started crying. When Neeta spoke to her mom, that this was the way her husband spoke to her, we would be surprised to hear what her mom told her. "He doesn't hit you Neeta and he doesn't even abuse you. You are just overreacting to it." Neeta could not understand why she had begun feeling so ashamed of herself.

It's important to note that there are other ways of expressing emotional abuse, which is often not as direct and verbal. Sarcasm, irony, or mumblings can also be communicated with body language, rolling eyes, sighs, grimaces, tone of voice, disgusted looks, cold shoulders, slamming doors, banging dishes, or worst completely ignoring your spouse etc. There are a myriad of ways to be emotionally abusive.

The simplest definition of emotionally abusive behavior is anything that intentionally hurts the feelings of another person. Since almost everyone in intimate relationships does that at some time or other in the heat of an argument, emotionally abusive behavior must be distinguished from an emotionally abusive relationship, which is more than the sum of emotionally abusive behaviors.

Verbal abuse doesn't leave physical bruises, but it can cause deep and lasting mental scars. But help is available.

If you have been through verbal and emotional hurt Then

Download IWill app for therapy:

If you don't have an anroid, no problem, just hit the chat button your bottom left side. One of our IWill therapists will guide you to our web and call based therapy.


When it comes to domestic abuse, we think of the external signs: black eyes, broken bones, bruises or bleeding. But research demonstrates that the long-term effects of verbal and emotional abuse can be just as devastating, if not more so, than the long-term effects of physical violence. Other people's words have an incredible power to affect how we see and feel about ourselves. While positive words of encouragement can uplift and inspire us, negative words has effect directly on ones self-esteem and confidence.  


Impact of Verbal/emotional abuse on married women:

Verbal abuse is often overlooked and difficult to identify: Culturally, we don't take the consequences seriously because the scars are not immediately visible and the victim is often so used to being treated in a certain manner that they do not seek help.

Feeling of being powerless: this kind of abuse often begin women to believe that they have no power to even make the smallest of the decision. They could be expected to rely on their partner or in Indian scenario on their mother in law, for decisions like buying groceries, to cooking meals, to dressing up and choice of clothes.

Effect on self-image and self-esteem: In most cases of emotional abuse, it’s seen that the victims start believing that they deserve this. This impact can show in form of

·         lack of spontaneity

·         loss of enthusiasm

·         An uncertainty about how she is coming across.

·         A concern that she isn’t happier and ought to be

·         A desire not to be the way she is- “too sensitive,” etc

·         Growing self- doubt.

Other psychological illnesses: Often emotional abuse can lead to physical illness like stomach ailments, and mental illness, and behavioural problems such as drug and alcohol abuse and psychological issues like depression, anxiety etc.

Relationship issues: Emotional belittling has a severe and long lasting effect on couple relation. One can never have a relation of equality. There is a lack of emotional warmth and a positive environment.

Emotional abuse check list

Does your partner:

·         Use words and attitudes to disrespect you?

·         Persistently demand and retain control?

·         Humiliate, criticize or yell at you?

·         Treat you so badly that you're embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

·         Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

·         Blame you for his or her own abusive behavior?

·         See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

·         Treat you as though you are inferior to them?

·         Manipulate you?


Tips for those reeling under emotional abuse are:

Logically reason if the belittling is true or not. Justify what has been told to you, to your- self. E.g. “you can never do one thing right” reason to your-self how true is this statement. When you will begin to see it’s not true, you will have a new sense of self belief.

Break the cycle of anxiety: constant criticism can make you concise of your actions which in turn can lead to failures. Reduce your anxiety by being aware of it and planning your task.

Look for positive reinforcement from others: Positive reinforcement from your own parents, friends and colleagues can help you from losing yourself.

Seek professional help: Erasing the impact of emotional abuse that has impacted and individual for a long time, though difficult is not impossible. Psychological counselling can help you here. You could be wondering how.

Counselling is a process where individual get a secured environment under a counsellor who will not judge her. His empathetic intervention helps one to gradually regain confidence and get an inner strength. This can help individual to look at life differently and drive new purpose of it.

Couple counselling: Couple counselling would be of great help. Counsellor can help them to see how their communication pattern is not conducive to their relation. Counselor would also work with the couple in establishing new communication patterns and making relationship stronger. All this is done in a non-judgmental environment. 

Download IWill app for therapy:

If you don't have an anroid, no problem, just hit the chat button your bottom left side. One of our IWill therapists will guide you to our web and call based therapy.


Tags: #Emotional Abuse #women #pain #depression