"I have to ask my husband ": Why women still struggle to make independent decisions and why is this unhealthy?
20 Nov 2015
We live in a culture that cherishes dependence more than individuality for women.
While parents expect their sons to live with them for the longest time, the women are said to be ‘ideal’ by the measurement of their homeliness. Perhaps, struggling between independence and dependence is the present generation of women, who manage to acquire their independence in the social world, but deep within, we are still so much dependent on others; alas, happily and by choice.
The growing idea of feminism has enabled women to do what they aspire. They take up hobbies and jobs and keep a track of their finances; however, all such enabling decisions are still rested on the support and assurance of the other. From a getting a haircut to buying that dress, from inviting guests to making an investment- there seems to be a wait for the push. The need is to think, ‘why’?
Why Do I Need the Other?
·Insecurity- we all have a fear of failure and perhaps, it can be paralyzing enough that we fail to make a move. Often we are so scared to mess up and fail and disappoint that we look for reassurance from others. We look for someone to say, “it’s okay to fail”.
·Habit- we are the ideal girls who never had the opportunity to decide what wall color we want in our rooms or what do we think about the general elections. Perhaps, when you have never lived a life of having opinions and taking decisions, it seems like a task in itself and we tend to depend on others for it.
·Culture- our culture never spares an opportunity to express how ‘independent’ women are unhappy and unstable. With raised eyebrows to single mothers and pity towards the divorced, we have thoroughly told that the only ideal way to live is in a family.
Why is it Unhealthy?
· Low Confidence- if you are constantly telling yourself that you cannot take a decision and you need someone to help you, then you might not ever develop the confidence to do what you want. It will always leave you feeling worthless and indecisive.
· Clingy Behavior- while the culture is biased towards dependence, we are also known to the fact that people we depend upon often feel stuck with us. Perhaps, our constant dependence on them affects the relationship and makes the other feel suffocated and trapped.
· Damsel in Distress Syndrome- we develop a habit of pitying ourselves and automatically come out as a person who needs help. Perhaps, instead of looking like a strong-headed woman, you tend to look like a fragile damsel that people rescue instead of respect.
·You Lose Yourself- in abiding by the wishes and needs of the other person, your decisions become their decisions and you tend to lose yourself. Alas, at the end of the day, you do not know what you want or perhaps, wonder if this is what you are? When the other person is too much present, then you get lost in them.
Tips for Being Independent Decision Makers
· Trust in Yourself- Know that it is okay to make mistakes and fail at times. Perhaps, such worries should not stop you from doing what you believe in.
·Stop Impressing- there will be some people who would not like you- that aunt, that neighbor, that spouse’s friend, anyone. The point is that not everyone will like you and it is okay. You do not have to change or work according to them to impress them.
· Realize what You Are- in our speedy lives we forget to think about our choices and decisions. Perhaps, the best is to lay back and think what you want and work towards it.
·Practice- as mundane it may sound, but aspects like assertiveness and decision making come gradually. Perhaps, it is important that you practice it in each little step of life, so that you do not fall back into the same loop.
·Seek Help- often our habits are so strong that we think that we cannot do anything without the other. As much as it is true, it is also unhealthy for you and your relationship. Seek a professional’s help to understand why you need that person and perhaps, how can you live with the person in a healthier way.
Depending on the other person is a trait of human existence. However, depending so much that you lose yourself is unhealthy and perhaps, unfair. There are ways in which people can continue to seek help and advice, without depending on the verdict of the other person. Perhaps, to reach that healthy stage, one needs to realize and address the insecurities and indecisiveness within oneself, which is beneficial for oneself and the relationship. Alas, two people make a relationship, yet one of them goes missing.
If as a woman you are struggling to achieve equality and live life on your terms and this has been causing you tremendous mental agony and pain, you can get complete help Online from ePsyClinic’s wellness Psychologists and Experts. ePsyClinic.com’s experts have helped over 5000 women and 1000 couples achieve mental & emotional wellness.
Just Click the Pink Button on the left and “Type Hi” to get started and know more
About ePsyClinic: We are an Indian health company that is now Asia's largest Online Clinic for Mental, emotional, professional and pregnancy wellness. We have India's top psychiatrists, gynecologists on our panel along with most professionally trained psychologists. Our experts’ receive special training for an effective online management and treatment of various mental health, emotional health, pregnancy health and addiction issues.
Tags: #dependence #unhealthy #women #independent #decisionmaking