Inequality in Marriage is leading to Marital Discord & Chronic Stress
12 Nov 2015
With more awareness, the modern woman wants to be strong, independent and no lesser than any man in the world. And why shouldn’t she?
A woman has been proving her worth throughout the history of mankind. Infact, she has proved her worth in things much more than the man. The directives borrowed from a patriarchal society no more bind the modern woman. However, there are ‘customs and traditions’ which still persists with full force.
These customs and traditions start becoming more prevalent after marriage. One can see the inequalities arising right from the first day of marriage. The rituals are female oriented, gifts are expected from the female side(needless to say dowry still exist in most of the communities), the woman needs to leave the house, the woman has to change her surname and make her husband’s, the woman must balance her work and family because the household work is totally her duty and family can’t be compromised. This has turned out be a major cause of marital discord and stress. A lot of modern women are asking the question,” Why do we have to change everything in our lives, have to manage work as well as the house while the men continue their lives as they always have before marriage?”.
“ I have to wake up at 5am in the morning to do all household chores and cooking and then go to work while my husband sleeps till 8 am and goes to work straight”
“ My in laws insist that I take care of everything, my child, my husband and his work, the house, even the in laws and their demands. I am a surgeon and I can have odd working hours”
“ My family thinks I should leave a job that I really love to take better care of the house. Why should I do that?”
Above are few statements from women who are struggling to understand and cope with the gender inequalities that come with marriage.
And not only the women, the men are also having difficulties with women not accepting the post marital gender inequalities.
“ My wife cares too much about her job and ignores her family responsibilities and this is affecting our marriage”
This added burden of inequality is leading the couples in consistent Marital Discord and Individually both men and women in Chronic Stress. What is surprising that even though the gross inequalities have a telling effect on People’s Mental Health, No one tries to do anything about it!
Tips to achieve better happiness and equality in marriage:
1) Awareness: Understand the times are changing. The concept of woman being confined to houses to do the household work while the man of the house goes out for livelihood may not necessarily apply in every marriage. The times are changing. If you are a woman and your husband and in laws are not understanding, tell them that you earn and contribute to the household, your career and aspirations are important too and you are sharing the ‘out of the house’ responsibilities too.
2) Share the household responsibilities: Divide the household responsibilities between the couple. For example, the wife can make breakfast while the husband can clean or get the kid ready for school. Sharing in the marriage will accentuate marital bonding and make it fun too.
3) Spend some non-household work time: Take some time off completely where neither of you do any household work. For example, go away for a weekend or family ‘dine outs’ in weekends.
4) Talk to each other: Converse openly how the inequality is affecting each other’s marriage and how you both need to work out an intermediate and make the marriage happy and lasting.
5) Contribute together in the rituals: Marital rituals are often more heavy on the women. Men can also take part in it. For example, if the wife is fasting for karva chauth, Teej, Hoi etc, the husband can do it with her too. There is no harm in it and it is cute too. Also post marriage, most men lead the household puja. Lets give an opportunity to let women take the lead too. Next time in a family "Graha Shanti Pooja", let the woman take the lead. Small steps taken like this can make a huge difference and make the woman feel equal, valued, loved and in-place rather than being "out of place"
6) Be each other’s support: Since, you are married, you will go a long way together. Instead of contradicting each other, you can always share each other’s responsibilities and be with each other. Your families won’t be there with you forever but you will be there with each other. So why not proceed with more understanding and love and make your futures together more easy and happy!
If as a woman you are struggling to achieve equality in marriage and this has been causing you tremendous mental agony and pain, you can get complete help Online from ePsyClinic’s Marriage and wellness Psychologists and Experts. Through Joint sessions and Individual sessions with the partners, ePsyClinic.com’s experts have helped 10000’s of couples.
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Tags: #inequality #marriage #discord #stress #depression