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What should a Husband Do: Mother in Law & Daughter in Law Issues

28 Sep 2015

Marriage takes you on its roller coaster ride. Unexpectedly, it would keep you constantly occupied with its low and high mood.

Neither of the partners intentionally desire nor want problems in their marital life. But the fact is that every couple has some trouble in their relationship.

Out of many issues that cause marital discord between the couple, an important one is issue related to your relationship with your mother, and sister and its impact on the relationship you share with your wife.

After getting married, you are expected to act responsibily in your new role of being a man in your wife’s life.

As you have been the apple of your mother's eyes, unconsciously, your mother may sometimes overly involve or get protective about your relationship with her (your mother) and may depend suddenly more on you to fulfil her emotional needs.

Habitually, over the years of upbringing, you may have also gained trust, comfort and are more inclined to share your experiences with your mother or your sibling (sister) than to your wife.

You may talk to either of them than to your wife for hours. You may prefer to consult them for important decisions about your life than to your wife.

You may even discuss with them crucial matters related to your conflict with your wife. In addition, your mother or sibling (sister) may not leave you both to enjoy the privacy of the moment.

All these situations may leave a drastic impact on your wife’s mind. She may find herself constantly in the state of flux of negative feelings which may be detrimental to your relationship with your wife.

She may be occupied with uncontrollable negative thoughts that you have betrayed her, and you do not rely on her judgement, you have embarrassed her in front of family members.

She may feel insecure, unwanted, unhappy, disappointed, dissatisfied, inadequate, angry and frustrated not only with herself but with the relationship with you. She may contempt your relationship with your mother and sister.

Consequently, her frustration and anger may turn into arguments, and verbal fight that may only emphasize her unmet emotional need to feel secured, wanted, loved and valued by you. Thus, you may act defensively in arguments with your wife with the intention to safeguard their image (mother as well as sister’s) in her mind.

Your justifications and explanations may convey to your wife unwanted messages that you do not listen to her concerns, you take their side and that she is less important to you. In amidst of arguments, you may develop negative image about your wife or doubt your own competency to handle marital relationship.

 If this is your story and you are persistently facing such conflicts or negative experiences, then it may impact your psychological and social functioning as well. It may create tension and stress not only in your family but may spread around other areas of functioning including your work and recreational areas. Inability to cope with stress and tension may lead to disturbance in mood, depression and anxiety both for you and your beloved wife

Therefore, it is very crucial to address and resolve marital conflicts as well as the reasons leading up to it so that you maintain healthy and satisfying relationship with your wife along with your mother/sister.  (If you/your wife are struggling because of relationship issues between your wife and your mother or others in your family Just click the pink button on  the left to consult a relationship psychologist expert)


Tips that will help you to establish healthy marital relations with your wife are:

1. Your wife should be your priority- She is going to be your partner for life. She values you the most. You must do this too. If you will keep each other as your priority and support each then your relationship with your wife will be more positive and satisfying. She will feel wanted, secure and valued in your relationship with her.

2. Taking decisions, discussing issues or concerns with your wife will make her feel important, valued, appreciated, respected and significant as a person. You can seek your mother’s and sister’s advice too but please appreciate that your home now is your wife’s home too so let her be involved in the decision making process.

3. Communicate politely to your mother/siblings about responsibilities that you hold towards your wife. This will make her (wife) feel worthy, regarded, and cared by you. Taking out time to be with your wife and communicating, sharing your day to day routine experiences with her will make her feel more valued and important in your life.

4. Avoid discussing marital issues with your mother/siblings as this would create the feelings of shame and anger in your wife. Communicating these issues directly to your wife will help you to resolve them in a healthy manner. In addition, discussing marital issues with your parents may make them (parents) to doubt your marital relationship even after the issue has been resolved and that time has passed.

Parental love and support is important for each one of us but it is also important to keep the emotional needs of our spouse as our priority too, to keep the happiness and the satisfaction in the marriage alive.

You don't have to choose either /or but you should help the "Weness" in the family increase by playing a more proactive role

If there is trouble between husband and  wife and they are not valuing each other, then our couple counseling can help a great deal. Read more about ePsyClinic Online Couple Counseling Here 


If you/your wife are struggling because of relationship issues between your wife and your mother or others in your family

Just click the pink button on  the left to consult a relationship psychologist expert


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Tags: #mother in law #wife #balance #love