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Jealous of your own Partner: You are not alone!

12 Sep 2015

According to the oxford dictionary jealousy is defined as ‘feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages’ or ‘feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one’s partner is attracted to or involved with someone else’.

It is a negative emotion that is present in each one of us and is associated with fear, anxiety, perceived threat, inadequacy and insecurity. Jealousy can rock any marriage or relationship, it shakes the basic building block i.e. trust. In a survey conducted in the US one third of couple who sought marriage counselling complained of jealousy. 

 

Occasional and mild jealousy can sometimes be good for a relationship. It keeps both the partners going and there are less chances of taking each other for granted. Jealousy also brings with it, passion in sexual relationships and excitement, which if occasional, can help in keeping it alive. Jealously can make someone look at their partner in awe and makes the other one feel more valued. However, when jealously controls a relationship and not you who controls jealousy things can go out of hand.

Facebook, twitter, watspp and the likes have a major role in lives and also our relationships. A considerable amount of our time is spent on social media either putting updates of your own or check out other people. Couples often find out about what is happening in their partners life through Facebook updates rather than them telling their partner about it. This can cause rifts and the feeling of being left out. A research in the area done by Dr Rusell Clayton, University of Missouri found that “conflict was much more likely to occur when the website was used excessively, because some people tended to jealously monitor their partner's activity or even to reconnect with ex-partners”. Keeping a track of your partners inbox and chat can make them feel stifled and can give rise to numerous conflicts in a relationship. Thus a vicious cycle which involves hiding or keeping things from your partner starts. This is absolutely unhealthy!

Rivalry in the professional front can make one jealous of the other. Women are professionally sounder than ever.  Insecurity of being left behind in the race can make both partners jealous of each other. Instead of being happy and taking pride in the partner’s achievements there is an element of envy and resentment.

 With men becoming more aware about the way they look and in the age of metrosexual man, often there is a comparison and competition on the way they look. The pride of having an attractive partner soon becomes a cause of inferiority developing into jealousy. A phenomenon that can be dangerous! Feeling of being unattractive can make one hyper vigilant towards how your partner perceives others of the opposite sex and giving way to suspicion. Gloom, disappointment, feeling of being betrayed are all reasons that can decay a relationship. Sometimes overfriendliness and flirtatiousness can also cause jealousy. According to Ambica (name changed) ‘My husband was very charismatic with his ways, flirtatious and has an attractive personality, exactly the reasons I fell for him. These are the exact reasons why I have now filed for a divorce’. 

Jealousy in its extreme form can be unhealthy. It can make one obsessive, paranoid and hyper vigilant. Not a great space to be in! If you feel your jealousy is slowly becoming unhealthy and that it is the central thought that has completely over shadowed and overshadowed your relationship, it is time to work things out.

Here is what you can do:

·Communicate with your partner. Speak about things that make you insecure.

·Evaluate your own behaviour. Things that could lead to making your partner more suspicious.

·Making your partner feel valued, cared for and important. This will make them less insecure.

·Spending quality time with your partner.

 

If you feel jealousy is causing havoc in your life and it is uncontrollable do not shy away from professional help. You could take help from a marriage counsellor or a psychologist at ePsyClinic.com who could help you with this.

Just click the pink button on the left to know how to consult a relationship psychologist expert


Tags: #jealousy #spouse partner