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Extra-marital Affair - It doesn't have to be Physical: Web-xtra Affairs

10 Sep 2015


"Varsha and Nipun were always the perfect couple. It was a shock when people came to know they were separating. While this decision had devastated Nipun, Varsha was happier than ever before. No one seemed to have a logical explanation. It's when I suggest Nipun to look into Varsha's social networking account that he found proof of she having a "love-affair" with an unknown "affluent businessman" from a different city. It was after a well-orchestrated police action that revealed "Varsha's online lover" to be an unemployed 25yr man. That man was put behind bars. Varsha took a lot of time to come out. They are still undergoing counselling and trying to building up their relationship"

"Ankit always felt his wife Neelam never gave him the love he desired. The need for true companionship always kept haunting his mind. He met Maria, through a social networking site. Within weeks his behaviour changed. Everyone noticed how the angry and easily irritated man behaved more like a 16yr old in love. All through this he remained an obedient husband to Neelam. Secretly his emotions always resided with Maria. Even while having sex, he would imagine Neelam as Maria.

So what would you say….is this infidelity?? To most people who are involved in such cyber relations, it is not infidelity, for only one reason!! They are not physically involved, they have not seen that person, and it’s all happening in a virtual world. They think they are not cheating on their partner.

While, the ‘real-life’ partner, would beg to differ on this.

The partner believes that infidelity is not just about getting physically involved it’s also about emotional and psychological involvement. It is seen that in relations like these the emotional and psychological attachment is many times greater than in any physical extra-marital affair.

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Let’s examine the Online/Webax affair definition:

Online infidelity is a romantic or cyber sexual liaison that is facilitated by social media sites, chat rooms, instant messenger, dating websites or virtual games. Those who participate in online affairs often don’t consider it as cheating on their partner due to the virtual, ‘fantasy’ nature of the interaction.

The dynamics of this relationship is graver for the partner. The ‘real life partner’ finds it almost impossible to compete with the ‘fantasy partner’ because it’s too good to be true. It’s the perfect lover.

Moreover, the partner involved in the affair tend to experience guilt to a far lesser extent than they would in traditional, ‘physical’ transgressions.


Wonder why people get into Extramarital Affair Online!!! What they gain?


·        Most people get on net/chats just with mere intention of talking to a stranger. They feel it’s harmless. It gives excitement with very little risk.

·        Gradually that excitement becomes addiction. Moreover this addiction is easily accessible. You just need your laptop or cell-phone. You can meet infinite number of people by simply using your gadgets.

·        Even though those, who are participating in this virtual fantasy, may not even consider an internet affair as being unfaithful to their partner, an emotional bond is generally formed between the cyber lovers.

·        You chat and feel good about each other. Something you have missed in your marriage for a while now.

·        You don’t have to take the pains of meeting someone or committing to someone. Yet it gives a lot of feel good factor.

There are lot of reasons why cyber affair is reinforcing. And though you are emotionally involved one fact remains true you are not physically involved, thus you are not cheating….but let me warn you that this is the idea just YOU have. It’s your perception and its biased view.

The pain of discovering that your partner has a cyber-lover can be equally as painful as traditional infidelity.

Often, the fact that these cyber or virtual affairs are carried out in your own home can make the betrayal even harder to bear.

How can one avoid getting into this world of Webxtra Marital affairs?


·        The first thing one needs to realise that emotional infidelity is greater than physical infidelity.

·        Extra marital affair by itself is a very complex, value-laddened issue. It’s not true that happily married couples are not vulnerable to it. Or sexual boredom is the prime reason behind extra marital affair. The reality is that most people including happily married, sexually functional couples are vulnerable to extra marital affair.

·        The key to an preventing extra marital affair is, to first confront denial ("it could never happen to us") and make a clear, positive agreement which recognizes personal and couple vulnerabilities while affirming the value of the couple trust bond, sexual style, and commitment to a satisfying, stable marriage.

·        I heard this in my growing up days… “Marriage doesn’t happen between two people, it happens between two families.” This fact complicates marriage more often. To help your marriage sail through it’s very important to be sensitive about the other facets that marriage brings along. Also it’s important to give your spouse a chance to express and help your spouse to work on his/her surroundings.

·        Identify what you risk losing by cheating. Prepare your cheating invoice.

·        Avoid Temptation and invest your time in your spouse. Know them, involve them and make their liking yours.

·        Before getting into an extra marital affair, put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

·        Remember that in an affair you only see someone else's good side because you don't know him or her well enough to see warts yet. That's known as “romanticizing” a relationship.

·        Be aware of your level of emotional intimacy with your partner. And build on it.

·        Resolve any sexual tension.

·        Be honest with yourself and your spouse and do not hide facts from your partner.

·        Be aware of infidelity “danger zones.” The workplace and the Internet can be dangerous to your marriage.

·        Discuss with your spouse whenever you are feeling attracted to another person.

·        Make your marriage a priority and involve fun elements in it.

·        Create a marriage vision.

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Tags: #webxtra #extramarital #affair #cheating