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Mother-in-law & Daughter-in-law relationship and issues

09 Sep 2015

When you get married, you form new relationships. Forming a new relationship has never been easy for anyone. 

Just by thinking about maintaining a healthy and a satisfying relationship with new family members in your spouse’s abode may seem a daunting and challenging task. 

As you become acquainted with day to day routine, nervously trying to adjust, you find that you will remain in close proximity with your mother in law with regard to understanding the functioning of the whole family or individual family members habits, behaviors/traits.

Often, difficulties arise when your own set of beliefs/behaviour needs/personality interfere unknowingly with the set norms/ culture  or the needs of your mother in law.

You may notice that your mother in law is observing your behaviors, interactions, and communication closely and speaking unempathically about those infront of other family members.

You may at times feel that she is insensitive or forgets about your concerns or needs when compared to her son, as a result you may feel ignored by her in the presence of other family members/or your husband. This may create a feeling of devaluation, alienation, sense of inferiority, doubt and anxiety in you. 

She likely draws emotional support from her son who is more accustomed to valuing her opinions and suggestion. This may make you more frustrated and upset.

In the presence of disagreements, you may see your husband is running to your mother in law rather than trying to solve the problem with you.

Inspite of giving your time, efforts to adjust to the new family environment, you feel inadequate, powerless and incompetent in handling interactions between them and between you and your mother in law.

Many women go through adjustment related mental health problems such as depression or anxiety when they enter the new phase of their life i.e. of marriage.

Often feelings related to inadequacy, incompetency or inferiority may emerge.

 Moreover, if the conflict persists between you, your mother inlaw and your spouse, you may feel excessively tensed about your inability to understand and deal with your new family situation.

Here are some tips that will help you to establish good and satisfying relationship with your mother in law and your spouse

1. Communicate your concerns appropriately and accurately to both of them

2. Talk to your husband that you have a certain pre-set way of living that cannot all change. Adjustments have to be made from both sides. 

3.  Express your emotions to your husband or mother in law. Do not hold it all inside. Ofcourse be polite but speaking up that your are discomforted is important.

4. Try not to criticise your spouse about his relationship pattern with his mother. Its like the bond you share with your mom. Criticizing the bond will only add to the feud. 

5. Express and show positive feelings of care and concern and clearly ask for reciprocation.

6. Have your own work and social circle. Being busy always helps cut the negative feelings inside.

7. Stay in touch, meet, visit  and communicate regularly with your parents.Ask them to come down to your place and you too should try and visit them often. Sometimes, not being with your own parents could be a cause of unsatisfaction and pain that trickles down to other relationships.

8. Communicate clearly to your husband that he should accept and respect you as his priority. Do that in a non confrontational yet assertive way.

And in many more ways we can help you develop happy and satisfying relations with your family members  with the help of our experts support and advise.

If you are struggling because of your relationship with your mother-in-law or others in your husband's family and the discord is causing you distress, Consult  & get complete help from's family & relationship psychologists. We are here to assure your happiness

Just click the pink button on  the left to consult a relationship psychologist expert


About ePsyClinic: We are Asia's largest Clinic for Mental, emotional,professional and pregnancy wellness. We have India's top psychiatrists ,gynaecologists on our panel along with most professionally trained psychologists. Our experts receieve special training for an effective online management and treatment treatment of various mental health, emotional health,relational health, pregnancy health and addiction issues. 

Tags: #Mother-in-law #daughter-in-law #relationships