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Confessions of a Breastfeeding Mom!

18 Aug 2015

Having a baby is a joyful experience is what I heard. I was waiting for it for 9months. After 12hrs of labour I finally got my baby in my words could express what I felt. But these feelings were short lived. I had to resume a big job, “Breast feeding” my child the only way he could survive and thrive. I was excited the first time the nurse told me to feed my child. I thought I was prepared and like all other mothers it would be a cake walk. But I was wrong.

My baby would not latch….. my nipples were flat…. The milk wouldn’t come…. Complained the nurse. They could not help me infact they made things worse. I was told to use a nipple shield which was a hard plastic which made my nipples hurt and the flow less. I tried hard to help my tiny baby latch but it would just not get better. This was not what I had thought would happen. I was given milk mixed with Satavare…. Bajra… sheera and everything and anything. It felt like it was a life and death situation for my baby who needed my milk and I was incompetent at it. I was the most horrible mother.  I could not produce enough milk, I could not be the holy cow to my son and he had to be given top feed too.  This feeling was worse when “ladies” who had breast fed their child would come to see you and the first thing they would ask “You are getting enough milk right… don’t give your child top feed its very bad”.

I could not stop crying…I felt I had failed as a mother. The more my mother told me that stress would impact the milk flow the more I would get stressed. I could not stop the vicious circle. Things got worse the top feed was giving my son upset stomach…..he would cry and how. I tried everything breast shield, different food, lactogen medicine, breast pump all….. but could get good flow.

My back would pain, I would sit for more than 2hrs with my son…. who would doze off between the feeds.  It was draining me out and making me feel miserable beyond limits.

Then finally my husband came to my rescue. He made me feel comfortable with the idea to add top feed after breast milk. He made me feel that it was ok.

I wish I knew better about lactation…I wish I knew more about what to eat from some experts…I wish I had seen a lactation consultant.

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Tags: #lactation #breastfeeding