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And You thought he/she would be scary looking?

07 Apr 2015

Every time you hear about child molestation or child sexual abuse, you are filled with hatred for the perpetrator or the abuser. And if you would be asked to imagine, how a sexual abuse perpetrator looks like, the most likely imagination would be of a dreadful looking person, shabby, maybe under the influence of some drugs. But the reality is that there are no specific looks, clothes or economic background or religious background that can be said to be present for sure in a sexual abuser. Even the gender is not always male and there are women who sexually abuse children too.

Another very important statistic to remember is that thirty percent of children who have been sexually abused were abused by a family member, and 60 percent were abused by an adult they knew who was not a family member. That means only 10 percent of children who are sexually abused were targeted by a total stranger. So what is it that can help us identify a potential sexual abuser? There are some pointers to keep in mind

1) There are many reasons as to why somebody sexually abuses a child. Many sexual crime perpetrators have a history of physical or sexual abuse in their own past. Some also have mental illness, such as a mood or personality disorder.

Some of the child molesters may turn out to be Pedophiles but not all pedophiles may be child molesters. Pedophiles are people with a psychosexual disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child of the same or opposite sex. He or she may limit themselves only to fantasizing or may actually act out and harm the child. This condition is a diagnosed mental illness and treatment does reduce reoffending.


2) Majority of child molesters/abusers are men and their victim can be either males or females. Heterosexual and homosexual men are equally likely to be child molesters. The idea that homosexual men are more likely to be child molesters is a complete myth.


3) Female child sexual abusers are more likely to abuse boys than girls.


4) The most important trait to look for is that a child sexual abuser including a pedophile may appear to be charming, loving, and completely good-natured while harboring thoughts to harm your child sexually and physically.


5) They may choose jobs to maintain proximity with their victims or may choose a victim in their own family. It could be the music teacher or the coach or the school bus driver or an uncle or even the grandfather of the victim. That means you should never dismiss the idea that someone could be a child molester out of hand.


6) The main mechanism of child sexual abuser is to first win the trust of the child and also your trust too, so watch out for people showing extra and a sudden increase in your child, offering to take them out, showering them with treats or gifts or simply spending more time than usual with your child. Many child molesters won't actually begin abusing a child until trust has been gained.


7) A child sexual abuser may use a range of games, tricks, activities and language to gain trust and/or deceive a child. These include: keeping of secrets (secrets are valuable to most kids, being seen as something "adult" and a source of power), sexually explicit games, fondling, kissing, touching, sexually suggestive behaviour, exposing a child to pornographic material, coercion, bribery, flattery, and—worst of all—affection and love. Be alert and constantly reassure your child of your love and faith in them and make it a habit where you encourage sharing of all sorts with your child. Remember the tactics used by an abuser are ultimately used to isolate and confuse your child.

8) Also look out for any signs of discomfort that your child may show on seeing a particular person even if the person is a first blood relative. Explore the reasons for the discomfort and if you do realize the said person is trying to is abusing your child raise your voice and let them know.


I am sure after reading this the suspicion or paranoia about who is really safe for and with my kids and who is not is going to intensify. Does it mean that you will be living in constant paranoia and see your and child s quality of life go down? No, it means you are trying to internalize this learning and that only means equipping yourself and your child with enough information to identify a potential abuser as well as signs of abuse and give your child a voice to speak up when he or she is abused. 

Tags: #perpetrator #abuser #childsexualabuse #monster #not