FAQs on Relationships & Marriage

1. How do we know we have a troubled marriage/ at what point should we consult a therapist?

Though all marriages have ups and downs, we need to make sure that the downs don’t overpower the ups. Hence, we need to identify the red flags and work on them as soon as possible. If you are experiencing one or more of the signs below for over a month, seek help

Red Flags!
 

·         Constant arguments

·         Indifference

·         Lack of affection

·         Constant criticism

·         Lack of interest in each other

·         Lack of interest/ unsatisfactory sex

·         Frequent lies

·         Lies about finances

·         Domestic violence

·         Emotional and Verbal Abuse

·         Loss/gain of appetite

·         Sleep disturbances

 

2. How do I know I married the correct person?

All of us may reach a point in our relationship wherein we end up questioning our decision about marrying our partner. However, one must understand that the person whom we loved intensely once upon a time does not change with time but it’s the relationship dynamics between a couple which may change with time. Thus, more than stressing on whether we have married the correct person or not, it is essential to work harder towards loving the same individual. Every relationship needs time and effort to sustain.

 

3. How can therapy help us?

Relationship or Marital Therapy online at ePsyClinic.com can help a couple in the following ways:

• A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective.
• They can learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools provided by the therapist. 
• Partners can improve communication that may have eroded the quality of their interactions. It's common for couples to reach an impasse and lose the ability to be vulnerable and trusting of one another. 
• It can provide "neutral territory" to help couples work through tough issues or to put aside "baggage" that prevents the couple from moving on.
• Couples can decide to rebuild their marriage and make a renewed commitment, or clarify the reasons why they need to separate or end the marriage.

Just type your message in the green chat box on bottom left and get instantly connected with a guidance psychologist privately who can help you initiate your online marital therapy sessions with a senior marital therapist!

 

 

4. A lot of people have already tried to improve our relationship but nothing changes, what’s different about therapy?

When one is going through a troubled period in their relationship, a lot of people may step in to offer advice and help the couple. However, there is a difference in the support a family member provides and the support a professional therapist provides. For instance:

- Family members or friends are usually inclined or emotionally closer to one partner and as a result may end up giving a biased suggestion. However a therapist is someone who is completely neutral and emotionally unattached to both the parties. Thus, every situation is seen from the perspective of the third person without favoring any one’s perspective

- A therapist is professionally trained to help couples resolve their issues

- While a family member/friend may look at immediate resolution of a current problem, a therapist seeks to look at the broader picture and go to the roots of the issue.

 

5. Both of us have a different personality, while he/she is an extrovert I am an introvert (or vice versa) what can we do to bridge this gap

No two people are the same. We are all born with a set of unique genes and have experiences throughout our lives which shape us into who we are. Rather than trying to change each other, it’s important to accept each other as who we are and respect the individual differences. Further, rather than compromising, in other words trying to change yourself or your partner completely, work towards finding a middle path that suits both you and your partners needs.  

 

6. I feel my partner sides his parents more, I often feel lonely in the process and feel he can leave me for his parents, what can I do to improve our relationship, but not my relationship with his parents?

Often when we enter a new relationship and go to a new house, a spouse’s attention is the most what we crave for. However, we forget to understand in the process what our partner goes through, especially in case of men. Most Indian men are sandwiched between the needs of a wife and parents. Hence, as a spouse it is essential for both of you to understand each other's needs. Yes you two should be each other's world... But it may take some time... In order, to improve your relationship with your spouse, make sure you are not always complaining to each other about what parents feel or did, try to discuss other stuff barring the family issues. It’s always better to greet your husband/wife with a smiling face forgetting the begrudging attitude. Focus on the happy moments more than issues! If the situation is out of hand, you know that therapy will help! So don't wait in that case.

 

7. My partner is often very depressed, which is affecting our relationship, how can I work on a relationship with someone who has a mental disorder?

It can indeed get very difficult to live with a partner with an illness, but however the fact is that they still remain our partner. Mental illness is as important as physical illness, and just as a person needs love and care during a physical injury, he/she also needs equal or rather more support during a mental illness. The following tips may help

-Understand the cause for the illness.

- Try to keep calm and give your partner a hearing ear

- Accept that he/she is going through a tough situation and will need time to heal

- Encourage him/her in whichever ways possible

-  Seek professional help from us here at ePsyClinic.com. Just type your message in the green chat box on bottom left and get instantly connected with a guidance psychologist privately who can help you initiate your online marital therapy sessions with a senior depression therapist!

 

8.I don’t feel comfortable when someone touches me even my husband, what should I do, I am very certain that I do not want to get physically intimate. Is there another way out?

 

Physical intimacy is as important as emotional intimacy. It is a healthy and natural process which also helps in a couple getting closer. Not only does is help the relationship grow, but research suggests that it is also healthy for one’s personal growth. If you feel you are not being able to attach yourself physically with your spouse explore the reasons. Some of the reasons may include: childhood sexual abuse, past experiences of sexual assault, negative experiences of sex (real or virtual), emotional disturbances, low self-esteem, stress, lack of emotional closeness with your partner etc. Once you have identified the cause for your distance

 

9. My partner is in a relationship with someone else, but I want to get him back, will I ever be able to forgive me and start afresh?

Seeing your partner in a relationship with someone else can bring a storm in anyone’s life. However its not the end of life. If your partner is willing to leave his/her current girlfriend/boyfriend and is apologetic about the same, there is no harm in giving it a try, ofcourse if you want it too. So ask yourself seriously, are you ready? And if you are then in order to move forward we all have to let go of the past. All of us make mistakes at some points in our lives and expect another chance, consider your partners act of infidelity as a mistake, which deserves a second chance. Rather than worrying about what happened in the past , consider working on making this work now. No matter how tough it may seem, if we want to move forward in life, it is essential that we let go of the past. You should also consider seeking help from a counselor during this time which will help you deal with your turbulent emotions in a healthier way.

10. We are just in a relationship because of our children, but we don’t love each other. Is it ok?

 It’s good to love and care for your children so much that you are ready to be a troubled relationship for the rest of your life. However, its not healthy for the children to grow up in an environment which is full of negativity all around. Children model what they learn from the environment. Hence, Research suggests that disturbed and violent relationships are more likely to damage the children than growing up in a single parent household. Try working on your marriage first, but if you are unable to accomplish it, its suggested be give a healthy and happy environment to the kids be it alone or with another partner. 

 

11. My partner and I have very different styles of parenting, which I see has been lately impacting our child, how can we come to a consensus so that we nurture our child well? Both of us are not ready to accept each other’s style?

It is very important to give the children a consistent style of parenting. Hence, if you feel that you and your husband are not willing to compromise on your parenting styles, consider seeking external help from a parenting expert or a child psychologist.

 

Suffering is not the solution. Acting on the problem is! 

Just type your message in the green chat box on bottom left and get instantly connected with a guidance psychologist privately who can help you initiate your online marital therapy sessions with a senior marital therapist!